Big Day

It was a big day in the Gilde household. Abigail went to daycare for the first time, I went back to work.

Because she's a convicted felon, we had to take extra care before dropping her off. We used to just check her diaper for shivs;  that stopped after one bloody trip to target. In Abigail's defense that was an outrageous price for a Winnie the Pooh rattle. Lesson learned, now we have to strip search her adding time to the morning routine.



Don't send me in there unarmed!























The drop off was relatively painless. We asked a few questions, they asked a few questions. Not wanting to leave we asked more, crappier, questions. I got the sense that they wanted to hurry us out the door as fast as possible. I assume lurking first time parents equals sobbing first time parents. Experienced baby handlers all, they know nothing will ruin a day faster than seeing a fat man cry.

I resisted the urge to run back into the place and grab Abigail, quit my job and write the worst novel in American history. Driving to work, my phone seemed determined to bum me out. It played every damn maudlin song in its library. Hey, Mountain Goats followed by Tom Waits with a Cure kicker. Thanks a lot iPhone, you stupid jerk.

Work was predictably hectic after being off for two months and returning a week before the legislative session. I told Mary I felt as if I was starting a new job. She told me that's a feeling that a lot of Moms feel when they return to the workforce. That may well be true but didn't do much for my anxiety or masculinity.

I didn't call the daycare facility all day, a fact I was proud of until I started to wonder if that made the daycare providers think I was a bad dad. Maybe everyone calls in and my self-discipline will be misinterpreted for callousness. Maybe they'll start watching me extra close. I have a felon baby and I didn't call the first day. Its a family of monsters.

I did my best to push these stupid thoughts and my desire to go see Abby to the back of my brain and start to catch up on work.  It helped that everywhere I looked I saw Abby. I have six pictures of her up at my desk. I'm one candle and chicken foot away from my desk being a really creepy baby shrine.

It was a hard day to stay focused. With the Caucuses that night, Fox news broadcast live from outside my office all day. I need to go to the bathroom, hey there's Mitt Romney giving a robot interview to interchangeable blonde fox anchor #3. I need to go talk to Legislative Services and there's Rick Perry losing an argument to a 4 foot tall marble statue.



I'm Joe Gilde and I approve this message























Big Day.



No baby fights or police calls. Success!