Thursday, November 3, 2011

The $240,000 baby

Our bill for tank finally arrived:  $240,000! Hooray insurance!

I had hoped that showing Ms. Abigail her bill would cause her rethink her attitude and actions. No more threats, no attempts to give me  a prison tats while Im not looking, no more hurtful insults (Im sorry you think my hair is stupid, baby. This is just the way it grows)

In fact, the bill has had the opposite effect. She's embraced her status as a luxery item. When I suggested to her that this isnt how a $240,000 baby should act, she said I was jealous. She was worth more than everything I own combined, she could buy and sell me. Its brutal.

I started to explain that just because insurance is paying that much, she doesnt actually have that money. Tank wasnt having it. She launched into a tirade about the jealous masses, that 1% of babies get 95% of the medical bills. 1% of babies get 95% of the binkies.1% of babies control 95% of the cute cheeks. If the other babies dont like it they should be cuter or pull themselves up by their teeny bootstraps.

I told her how disappointed I was with her, those are not the values of our house. She rolled her eyes, grabbed her favorite ruby covered pacifer, settled into her deluxe massage chair and went to sleep.


Her monocle just fell out

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