Baby voice, bath time

My baby voice may be the worst thing that's ever happened to America.

Its terrible. Just awful. Right now I think its the worst thing about me. If I could change anything about myself, I would eliminate that voice

I wouldn't lose weight. I wouldn't drink less. I wouldn't be taller, smarter, better looking or richer. I would kill the baby voice. Forever.

I cant stop it. I am helpless in the face of its infantile power.  There seems to be nothing I can do.  I swear I'm done then the next time I see her cute damn face I relapse.

Mary: Abby took 95 ml at her last feeding!

Me (picking up baby): Ohhhh thats my wittle tank! What a big girl you arrrre! Are you going to burp for daddy? Are you? Ohhhhhh!"

Me (walking away): Wait, what the....awww son of a....

We were going to give her a bath this afternoon. A baby talk mine field. To prepare I went into the bathroom, looked myself in the mirror and repeated "YOU WILL NOT BABY TALK. YOU ARE A MAN. A STRONG STRONG MAN." I did this for ten minutes and came out a strong strong man.

Then this happened.



THE FIRST THING I SAY IS IN BABY TALK! I am powerless before this cute baby.